


I'm Not Going Anywhere

by supremeleaderben



Category: Naruto
Genre: Comfort, Gen, Loss, M/M, Naruto/Boruto Secret Santa 2020, depressed, friends to lovers implied
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:28:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28228389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/supremeleaderben/pseuds/supremeleaderben
Summary: Kakashi faced a lot of loss during his youth and though he felt like his was always alone there was always one person who was there for him - even when he wanted to be alone.
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Maito Gai | Might Guy
Comments: 6
Kudos: 27
Collections: Naruto/Boruto Secret Santa 2020





	1. Age Eight

**Author's Note:**

  * For [JacknessofHearts](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JacknessofHearts/gifts).



> I hope you have the happiest of holidays!! I was super excited to write these two as I have never written them before so I hope you enjoy it!! But again, I hope you have a fantastic holiday season as well as a great New Year!!
> 
> ((I will say that I literally read so many conflicting points on how old Kakashi was during these events, so, in this fic Kakashi is the same age as Obito/Rin))

* * *

  


The street seemed emptier than normal as Kakashi walked quietly towards the academy. He couldn’t help but feel himself drifting from his surroundings; days prior, his father was patiently walking with him – telling him stories of his missions – laughing at the birds that cawed in the beautifully bright sky. Today, the birds were quiet – the sky littered with dark and uneven clouds.

He hadn’t quite realized the moment he arrived at the academy – nor did he remember how he got into the classroom. As he started realizing all these things he couldn’t help but feel the dozens of eyes that were laid on him. _Pity._ They were all trying to give him pity, but he wanted nothing of the sort. Kakashi was well aware that everyone, even Lord Third, had told him to stay at home – to not worry about coming to class – but, he felt that he had to prove himself still worthy of becoming a ninja, becoming something that Sakumo would’ve been proud of.

“Kakashi!” a loud-eccentric voice carried through the classroom; Kakashi didn’t even have to turn his glance to know whose voice it was.

“My rival,” he smacked the back of Kakashi’s chair, “are you coming to get lunch?”

Kakashi finally allowed himself to look upwards, meeting Gai’s eyes – filled with warmth and joy; lacking the one thing that Kakashi had seen all day. _Pity._

He kept silent but began to stand and push his chair in; Gai continued talking – rambling about how he was going to do x-amount of push-ups after class. Kakashi was pretty sure he had asked him if he wanted to join him, but he kept his silence – just following in behind him as they walked to get food.

The children around them were allowing hushed whispers of Sakumo’s death. Kakashi wasn’t deaf and he was certain Gai wasn’t either; so, even if Gai didn’t know before, he had to have known by now. But, Kakashi turned to look at him, his expression staying the same as it was earlier in the day.

Something was comforting about the way Gai was completely ignoring the topic; even if his ramblings tended to get under Kakashi’s skin – he thought to himself that maybe he would happily endure his ramblings if it would continue to drown out the sound of pity from those surrounding them.

Kakashi was happy to have met Gai; he would never admit it out loud though.

Instead of going home and crying that night, Kakashi sat up and contemplated if he was too old to ask Gai to play at the park with him.


	2. Age Thirteen

* * *

  


The sky looked empty again, the birds cawing ceasing to exist – at least on the plain that Kakashi was walking on. He hadn’t realized how long he had been holding his breath until the brisk morning air filled his lungs; constricting around the shallow-cold breath.

“Stupid,” Kakashi scoffed to himself; noting to himself that hours before Obito's death that he would’ve preferred to lose teammates than to fail a mission – he had thought that was what his father would’ve wanted for him. But, Kakashi knew now why his father had sacrificed his mission for his comrades.

He couldn’t help but wonder to himself if this hurt worse than when he lost his father; he was pretty certain it did.

The people around him continued past him as if nothing had happened; no pity in their eyes or their voice like before. It angered him; was it because Obito was an Uchiha – an orphan like himself? Or was it because he wasn’t seen as some noble war hero like his father was? Though, Kakashi couldn’t help but think that Obito was possibly more of a hero than his father.

“Kakashi!” that loud voice once again pulled Kakashi from his thoughts; Gai immediately coming up and placing his arm around his shoulder.

As Kakashi looked over, he finally saw it – Gai looked at him, a sad expression riddled across his face.

“I’m sorry,” Gai’s voice dropped lower, his hand squeezed Kakashi’s shoulder – just enough to show him that he wasn’t alone.

“Mhm,” was all that Kakashi could muster out. It surprised him that instead of feeling like he was getting pity – Kakashi felt comforted by the slight gesture.

Gai immediately switched his quirky behavior back on; loosening his grip on Kakashi’s shoulder, “So! I was thinking today we should compete. I believe that I am winning currently; but only by one! So, I thought I would give you the chance to take back the number one spot! My eternal rival.” Gai scoffed, and bumped his hip to Kakashi’s, a large smile spreading across his lips.

“What were you thinking?” Kakashi kept his tone low; he was intrigued – he wanted to get his mind off Obito, and he figured that a good duel with Gai might just do the trick.

“Eating contest? First to fifteen dango?! TWENTY DANGO?” Gai spoke excitedly, pulling a stubborn Kakashi along with him. “If you win, you get to gloat about it all week! What about that rival?”

Kakashi couldn’t help but let a frown fall across his lips; Gai couldn’t notice the change of expression until Kakashi pushed himself away from Gai’s grip.

He wanted to let go and go eat dango with Gai; but, deep down he had a fear that people he cared about were destined to die. First his father, now with Obito – he couldn’t help but wonder if Gai kept hanging around him if he’d be next.

“Sorry Gai, I have to go– Minato needed me to figure out something before tomorrow.” Kakashi watched as Gai’s expression dropped; there was a pain in his chest as he turned away and ran quickly towards his compound.

Kakashi knew that Gai could tell he was lying; he wasn’t very good at lying. He wasn’t sure why, but it upset him that he had lied to his friend; but, he knew that he had to place distance between them to keep him safe. If he could do that to everyone, he would.

Once he got home, he slid down the door onto the cold wooden floor, resting his head in his hands.

Instead of eating twenty dango with Gai, he was sitting alone – crying.


	3. Age Fourteen pt.1

* * *

  


The air around him felt thick; unable to breathe, unable to find the desire or strength to get up. Minato had told him to stay home; for once Kakashi didn’t hesitate.

Every time he had closed his eyes to try and get some rest he was flashed with images of his hand tearing through Rin’s chest without any resistance. Her smile, the smile that made him smile, disappearing because of him.

He stood over the bathroom sink rubbing his hands together aggressively trying to rid the image of her blood staining his hands. His skin, riddled with calluses, breaking under the constant-rough friction. It hurt, but he thought of it as a small price to pay for his actions.

Kakashi stared blankly at the boy in the mirror that stared back at him; he knew it was him, but he found the image to almost be unrecognizable. 

There was a slight knock at the door and Kakashi couldn’t help but wonder how long he had been locked up in his house; he wasn’t too interested in who was at the door as he sank onto his couch, pulling his knees to his chest.

“Kakashi!” Gai’s voice carried through the house as Kakashi heard the front door get pushed in.

Gai felt the need to run through the house, when his eyes finally met Kakashi’s he felt a sense of relief, yet a sense of concern also washed over him. Gai noted that Kakashi didn’t look like he hadn’t slept in days, and, _“if he hadn’t slept, had he been eating?"_ he couldn’t help but think to himself.

Kakashi immediately ducked his head back to rest on his kneecaps; he cared for Gai – but ever since he had lost Obito he had tried to place distance between them. It rarely worked, however, as Gai always inserted himself into random situations just to get Kakashi’s attention.

He could feel his heart begin racing; he wanted nothing more than for Gai to leave – to not say another word, but, he knew that was just wishful thinking. First Sakumo, then Obito, now Rin; he wondered if Gai was just completely oblivious that he would be destined to die if he got close to him.

“I haven’t seen you in a few days,” Gai walked slowly over towards the couch, “Minato told me that you were staying home.” He sat slowly on the edge of the couch beside Kakashi.

“Because I want to be left alone,” Kakashi mumbled into his arms. He just killed his teammate; he couldn’t rationalize why Gai wanted to be in the same room as him, let alone sitting on the couch right beside him.

“I just wanted to make sure you were okay!” Gai tried to keep his tone cheery, but it faltered, “but, I can see that you aren’t.” Gai barely spoke above a whisper; even shocking himself with his tone of voice. “I brought a few movies though! Figured we could just sit in and watch them so you wouldn’t have to be alone!” Gai spoke excitedly once more, standing up to move over to the tv; rustling in his bag to pull out a movie.

“Gai,” Kakashi kept his head down, “just leave.”

“Sorry, no can do! I have to make sure my rival is taking care of himself.” Gai kept his gaze forward and tried his best to pretend like everything was okay.

“I’m taking care of myself, just leave.” Kakashi looked up, Gai still facing forward towards the television.

“You aren’t fooling anyone of that,” Gai scoffed, “Anyway! What’s one silly movie? You can ignore me the whole time if you want, but at least let me make you some food before you kick me out – just so you have something to eat.” Gai turned and looked slightly at Kakashi; his face twisting into something of frustration.

“Don’t you understand that you’re in danger by just being here with me?” Kakashi raised his voice; he didn’t even mean to – but he was so frustrated with how reckless Gai was being.

“I’m not in danger, silly; how would I be in danger?” Gai kept a smile spread across his face, but he was feeling defeated – he knew that Kakashi thought that he was cursed but he didn’t believe that – he just knew that terrible things were happening to a good person.

“Gai, don’t make me spell it out for you.” His tone was snarky.

“I trust you, and anything you can take, I can take.” Gai smiled and gave him a cheery thumbs-up. He started walking back towards the couch; slowly he sat back beside Kakashi. “I’m just trying to take care of my rival – or if you’d rather I could call you my best fr-“

“No.” Kakashi cut him off; the idea of being called someone’s “best friend,” made the idea of that person dying even more likely in his mind. “Just leave, please.” His voice was low and defeated as he spoke.

“Sorry. No can do _rival._ ” He emphasized the last word; understanding Kakashi’s hang up on the best friend phrase, he didn’t mind continuing to call him a rival.

Kakashi just kept his head tucked into his arms as he heard Gai click on the television.

He spent most of the time trying to ignore the presence beside him; Gai wasn’t being disruptive - he was doing his best to just blend into his surroundings.

Kakashi couldn’t help but feel bad that he was putting Gai through this; he knew that his heart was in the right place – that he was genuinely just trying to be there for him, but he was so uncomfortable with the idea of being close to someone that he wanted nothing more than for him to leave.

When he finally looked up he noted that Gai was slumped over asleep on the armrest of the couch. He looked so peaceful; a delicate smile spread across his face even during slumber. Kakashi wondered what it was like to be that happy; he wondered if he would ever be so happy that he wouldn’t have to force himself to smile – to be so happy that that smile stayed across his face even as he slept. He wondered if his dreams would ever be so happy that he wouldn’t cry just at the mere thought of them.

He kept staring at Gai’s face – noticing all of the small details that he had never taken in before; mostly how a smile suited him so well. Kakashi could feel his cheeks warm up – a blush rushing across them; he couldn’t help but feel himself panic in wondering what the cause was. He decided that he was likely coming down with a fever since he hadn’t slept much in the last seventy-two hours. Regardless of the warmth on his face, he couldn’t pull himself to stop admiring the happiness that Gai radiated – it was comforting.

Instead of waking Gai up and forcing him to leave, Kakashi leaned onto the other armrest and attempted to get some rest. His eyes almost immediately shut as he noted the warmth that radiated from Gai; he wasn’t alone – for once he thought that maybe that wasn’t such a bad thing.


	4. Age Fourteen pt. 2

* * *

  


Kakashi couldn’t help but notice the eeriness that was looming over Konoha as he and Gai walked along the streets together. The air almost felt heavy as he breathed it in; he could feel that something was coming – but he was afraid to say anything; afraid that saying something would just make the feeling more real.

He was barely listening as Gai continued to talk about the missions that he was going on. Kakashi was beyond grateful that Gai even cared enough to keep talking to him despite all of the rumors. Ever since joining ANBU people have said quite a bit about him, calling him _Friend-Killer Kakashi._ He knew that he was too rough when on ANBU missions; he killed without any regard, hopeful that that kill would get him to stop seeing Rin falling to her death when it was someone else – but it never happened. After every mission he would still come home and get little sleep, any sleep he did get was riddled with violent images of his friend’s lives ending before him.

“Kakashi,” Gai stopped mid-walk, “is there something going on in the village tonight? The air feels…” he pondered for a moment, “off?”

This pulled Kakashi from his thoughts; he no longer had to bring it up himself because Gai felt it too. “I don’t know of anything; but, I thought something seemed off as well.”

“Whatever it is, we can take it!” Gai spoke excitedly as he began to walk again; the two of them were going to grab ramen.

Kakashi would never say it out loud, but he was beyond grateful for Gai recently. He was the only person who seemed to notice how drained he was due to ANBU; Kakashi wasn’t stupid – he knew it was bringing him down as well, but he refused to admit it; though, he was beyond grateful that Gai was bringing up the concern to Minato occasionally. He was also grateful that Gai would take him out to get dinner once a week if possible so the two of them could catch up together, but, in reality, it was so Gai could check-in to see how he was doing.

“I don’t know Gai” Kakashi scoffed, kicking up the dirt below him as he walked, “whatever this is, it doesn’t seem like something that we are going to get to brush off.”

The longer the two of them walked; the more ominous the air felt. It was nearly suffocating to Kakashi; though when he would look over at Gai he would just be looking forward with a stupid grin painting across his face; that was the only image that kept Kakashi from panicking.

It all happened quickly; the dust arising from the center of town; the shrieks of innocent citizens carrying throughout the air. Kakashi felt his heart drop in his chest; breathing became difficult as he looked over and saw Kyuubi; the Nine-Tailed Fox – Gai stumbled in his step nearly falling backward as he saw the scene before him.

“Kakashi is that?” Gai’s voice was unsteady, Kakashi’s attention immediately shifting from Kyuubi to Gai.

“Gai you have to go –“ Kakashi kept his voice steady; unfortunately he was good at masking the anxiety that riddled his entire body, “- go help get people to shelter I’m –“ he stumbled over his words for a moment, he didn’t know why, but, he instinctively reached out and grabbed Gai’s hand, giving it a small squeeze; Kakashi wanted to believe that he was doing it to comfort Gai, but, he knew that that simple gesture at least gave himself one moment to breathe. “I have to go.”

It felt like hours had passed; Kakashi ran around trying his hardest to get citizens to shelter – but, he didn’t save everyone; it drove him insane to think that he wasn’t able to save every person; to know that innocent lives were lost because he wasn’t able to move quick enough. The only saving moments he had were the few times he saw Gai grabbing up young children; he only hoped that he was still safe.

Konoha no longer looked like Konoha; it no longer felt like Konoha. There was lingering despair in the air; children screaming for their parents, parents screaming for their children – this was a catastrophe in the simplest of terms.

Kakashi knew he should check in with Minato first, but, he had to find Gai – just to make sure that he was okay.

He began to move through the rubble of the city; noting buildings that used to stand proudly fallen to rubble due to the attack. Thankfully Gai’s chakra was something that Kakashi was able to pick up on even with all the chaos going on around him. He found him quickly; instantly noting the slouch in his shoulder and the idiotic grin that was nowhere to be found.

“Kakashi!” There was a stumble in his normally cheery voice; something hidden behind his tone.

Kakashi could tell something was being hidden from him; all the surrounding shinobi were stone-cold silent – unmoving once they caught a glimpse of him. Gai was the only one that dared to speak. He noticed a few others lean into each other; whispering hushed secrets into one another’s ears.

He was already on edge and he couldn’t help but feel placed more on edge with everyone’s demeanor. He focused in on Gai’s face to try and understand the situation; he was fine, Gai was walking normally – a little dusty, but nothing critically wrong with him. He pondered over people in his life; wondering if someone got hurt -

Minato.

“Gai; what happened?” Kakashi immediately felt Gai beside him, pushing him in the opposite direction of the others – trying to save the other shinobi from whatever outburst was possible.

“Gai…” Kakashi could feel himself crumbling; his life crumbling before him. _It couldn’t be Minato; it couldn’t be… it – it couldn’t be._ Kakashi repeated over and over in his head, trying to convince himself that everyone was fine.

Once they were out of earshot of the surrounding individuals Gai sat down on the rubble, patting the ground beside him; “You, uh, Kakashi – you’re going to want to sit down.”

Kakashi felt himself slipping; his eyes growing heavier by the second and he didn’t know how much longer he would be able to hold them open without letting the dams break. He slowly sat beside Gai; gripping the rubble around him tightly as if it was the only thing keeping him grounded.

“Gai, please - just tell me already.” He could barely recognize his voice; his heart was slow – barely beating; he had never felt like this, not when Sakumo died, not when Obito died, not even when Rin died.

He was taken off guard as he noticed Gai slowly slipping his hand under his; interlacing their fingers slowly and wrapping his hand around his. Kakashi immediately found himself unable to breathe by the gesture; his eyes finding Gai’s and he knew then that the dam that he was trying to keep together was all but collapsing under the weight of it all.

“Kakashi,” Gai spoke slowly; a small part of Kakashi couldn’t help but laugh at the thought that he had never heard him speak so softly or quietly before, “Minato, he –” he paused and took a deep breath; his hand locking tighter around Kakashi’s, “Kakashi, he didn’t make it.”

Though Kakashi had already assumed the worst; yet, hearing it out loud made everything seem surreal.

“Kushina?” Kakashi all but whimpered out; he felt like he already knew the answer, but he was hopeful that his instincts were wrong. He found himself interlocking his fingers tighter with Gai; he strived to find some version of comfort and for whatever reason, their hands being intertwined felt like a blanket wrapped around his broken soul.

Gai rubbed his thumb across the back of Kakashi’s gloved hand; “I – Kakashi, I’m sorry.” He spoke softly; his voice only audible for Kakashi’s ears and no one else’s.

Kakashi inhaled quickly; there was no more stopping the water from aggressively falling from his eyes. The tears fell rapidly, landing on the fabric of his pants like sharp needles. Gai kept his gaze forward; though he could hear Kakashi falling apart beside him, he knew it was likely for the best if he just stayed silent.

They sat there in silence, but, for once Kakashi wasn’t crying alone in his home – suffering by himself with all of his worries; no, this time he was allowing himself to be comforted by his best friend – the only person who has been with him throughout the years. As hard as he was crying, he couldn't help but feel more comfortable than he has in years.

“I can, uh, I can walk you back to your house – if you want?” Gai kept his gaze ahead of his, scared that Kakashi would be embarrassed if he saw him crying.

Kakashi felt himself try and steady his voice, but to no avail; “No.” he breathed there, for a moment, “Can we just stay here?” Kakashi cocked his tear-filled face to the side, looking gently at Gai; Gai met his gaze and immediately reached his free hand out to wipe the tears that stained Kakashi’s face.

“I’m not going anywhere.” Gai gave him a quick smile as he spoke softly. He then placed his gaze ahead of him once again; Kakashi however kept his gaze on his side profile – allowing the tears to continue to fall as he tried to focus on Gai’s face, focusing on the one thing that comforted him instead of the wreckage around them.

Instead of going home and being alone; Kakashi sat there engulfed in Gai’s hold, allowing himself to cry with the company of someone else. He wasn’t alone, and after this, he wasn’t sure he ever wanted to be alone again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhhhh; So, I couldn't figure out how I wanted to post this fic at first but I decided that separate chapters just made the most sense!
> 
> Once again I hope you have a fantastic holiday season and an even better 2021! <3

**Author's Note:**

> I had a lot of fun trying to characterize them in their youth because I just feel like Gai was so crucial in Kakashi's life when he was experiencing loss what seemed like yearly essentially.


End file.
